A rough guide to making it through a weekend festival in one piece

Need I give any intro? Read on...

Thanks to (aka "By") Our Friends at FatReg's

A rough guide to making it through a weekend festival in one piece

What To Take: If you're new to festies, this might help. If you've been going for years then it may just refresh your drink-addled brain as to what you should remember to take with you...

Essentials• Tent - the crash tent is a BAD place to kip
• Ticket - crucial, unless you're going to try and buy one when you get there. Be wary of the touts who operate outside the entrance
• Money - to buy beer with, of course
• Clothes - obvious, but don't take many. You probably won't change them anyway
• Sleeping bag - if it's a warm year, you'll be sweating like a pig in your tent by six in the morning. If it's cold, you'll be glad of it.
• Bum bag - for money etc
• Mallet - some of those fields are as hard as concrete. A hot tip is to cut your tent pegs down to three inches before you go. They'll still hold your tent up and you can put them in without any hassle - then you can get drinking earlier
• Beer - The most essential thing after the tent, ticket and the money
• Stash - but remember, drugs are still illegal, even at festivals, and there are cops on-site, so be aware
• Loo roll - even though the bogs are way better now, this is a wise thing to take. Never lend your roll to anyone, though - it rarely comes back...
• More beer - you can't have too much beer
• Toothbrush and toothpaste
• Disposable camera - take crap and/or embarrassing pics of everyone you know, then make a web-site with them. Also useful for remembering what went on

Optionals• Torch - useful when you're pissed and trying to find stuff in your tent at night, mind
• Penknife - you never know when you might need one of the little gadgets
• Airbed - personally, I couldn't do without this any more, but I'm old. And fat
• Footpump - I tried to blow up the airbed without a pump the first year I took it. It just ain't possible
• Food (though personally, I'm too lazy to cook anymore)
• Can opener
• A stove or disposable barbecue if you take food
• Fags (to those who don't know...this was from our UK festie friends and this is aka Ciggs)
• Lighters


Dos and don'tsA few tips picked up over the years

DOs• Do get pissed and miss your favourite bands
• Do keep your money and any valuables on you at all times. A bum bag is a pretty safe way to do it, and you can carry fags etc in it. Keep it on when you sleep at night. And keep your boots safe under some clothes used as a pillow
• Do try to remember exactly where you camped. It's amazing the number of people stumbling round in the dark with no idea where their tents are. Tie something distinctive to your tent or put up a flagpole
• Avoid the articulated lorries selling beer just outside the main entrance and try the off licences on Caversham Road, Sainsbury's in Reading town centre or Waitrose in Caversham - you'll have further to carry the beer, but it's cheaper
• Do try to be at least on nodding terms with your neighbours - they'll usually look out for your camp site when you're not there. Return this favour
• Do be wary of the firewood sold on site - it's often been soaked in a lake for weeks before the festie and is a bugger to light. And it'll just make clouds of smoke
• Do light fires in the arena if there's anything to burn. Security love it! But don't burn plastic, unless, of course, you really want to piss off the people around you
• Do keep an eye out for the pigs - there aren't that many at Reading, but they are around, particularly in the camp sites
• Do remember to clean your teeth. Seriously, you may feel like crap, and stink like a farmyard, but having clean teeth feels sooo good
• Even if you can't be arsed cooking your own food, take something to snack on in the wee small hours
• Try to put as much of your campsite litter in a bag or burn it on the fire
• Try not to fall on people's tents when you're pissed
• Remember where the first aid and Samaritans tents are. Just in case
• Do buy us a pint if you see us. We'll be so grateful

DON'Ts• Don't camp near the Portaloos, obviously
• Don't camp near the hedges either - they don't smell too good in the morning
• Don't bother queueing for the showers - it's a waste of drinking time, and you're going to smell, anyway
• Don't take unnecessary crap like hairspray or butane powered styling tools (I remember goths crimping their hair at Reading in the late 80s. Fools)
• Don't take anything valuable at all
• Don't bother staying sober to see indie bands on the main stage - they'll sound crap anyway. It's a fact that pretty much only heavy metal sounds any good outdoors, and that's not always guaranteed
• Don't bother lugging palletts back from town - they don't let you in with 'em
• Don't tip the Portaloos over on the last night - it's not big and it's not clever, after all, you're going to need them on the Monday morning, too
• Don't pull down the strings of lights in the campsite - that's not big or clever, either
• Don't bother padlocking your tent, despite what people may tell you. It just says you might have something worth nicking, and thieves will think nothing of slashing your tent open to see what's inside
• Don't take any food that's likely to go off or melt if left in your tent. You'd be surprised how hot a tent gets during the day, and waking up in a tent the inside of which is completely smeared with rancid butter isn't a pleasant experience
• Don't bother trying to take photographs of bands on stage unless you have professional equipment. Your pics will almost certainly be crap.• Don't camp near those stalls that play ear-splitting techno all night, unless you don't need/like sleep
• Don't bother taking condoms - if you're sober or fragrant enough to pull at a festie, then you ain't trying hard enough. Of course, if your girlfriend/boyfriend is with you, that won't be a problem
• Don't buy drugs off strange people in the camp site after dark unless you can check the goods first. You'll probably get a little lump of soil wrapped in cling film. I've seen it happen

(http://www.fatreg.com/survival.html)